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I don’t even know how to start this post. I’ve been meaning to write it for a few years, but even the thought of having to think about my experience in depth makes me upset. I’ve literally sat at the keyboard of my computer for hours just trying to get my story out, yet I continue to sit with a paralyzing fear. Fear of going into a depression again. Fear of crying my eyes out and not having enough time to clean myself up before I need to pick my boys up from school. Fear of seeing responses from readers telling me that my experience was really no big deal or that I really shouldn’t even tell it. pregnancy doctor obgyn new jersey giving birth motherhood new mom trust neglect Caffeine and fist bumps baby
But, I’m going to tell it. Because the story deserves to be told and, if my story is able to help even one woman out there, than my experience has served a purpose. baby
Almost 5 years ago, I gave birth to my second son. The pregnancy was easy with him; the total opposite of my pregnancy with my first son. With my first, I had gestational diabetes (thankfully, diet controlled) and hypertension. I had to watch what I ate closely, monitor my blood pressure, and prick my finger at least 4 times a day to test my blood sugar. I was induced at 38 weeks with him because the doctors were worried that my condition could stress him out. My second pregnancy, though? Absolutely smooth sailing. No gestational diabetes. No hypertension. The hardest part of being pregnant with #2 was having to run after a toddler at the same time! baby pregnancy doctor obgyn new jersey giving birth motherhood new mom trust neglect Caffeine and fist bumps
I’ll never forget, though, one of my first visits to my OB/GYN. It was a new office to me because we had recently moved back up to New Jersey after living in Florida for a few years. I had asked around on Facebook for recommendations of an office to go to and chose this particular office based on those recommendations. I’ll never forget the first visit. I had to bring my son (affectionately known as “Big Dude” on the blog) with me to one of my first appointments there. He was a typical almost-2-year old; bubbling with energy and always curious. The doctor walked into the room and scolded my son for something. I don’t remember what, but I do remember being taken aback that a doctor – a doctor I had JUST met – would feel the need to scold MY CHILD for something. That should’ve been my first sign that I should’ve found a new office, but I don’t like conflict, so I let it roll off my back. Sign number two came just a few minutes later when that same doctor (we’ll call them “Dr T” from here on out) told me that I would get gestational diabetes again because I had it with my first pregnancy and because “I was fat.” I know, I should’ve said something, but I didn’t. This office had been recommended by so many that I let that comment go and requested, on my way out of that appointment, that my future visits be scheduled with a different doctor. pregnancy doctor obgyn new jersey giving birth motherhood new mom trust neglect caffeine and fist bumps blog
After that visit, issues with the office weren’t so bad. A few rescheduled appointments here and there, but I do remember that I pretty much never saw the same doctor two appointments in a row. This was completely different than when I was expecting my first son when I got to see the same doctor each time. It was so nice to be able to form a relationship with the doctor that I was trusting with one of the biggest events in my life. Like what happened during my previous appointments, I just brushed this off because I kept telling myself “this place was recommended and is a new office and I’ve never had a baby in New Jersey and maybe this is how they do it here so I shouldn’t worry because I CAN TRUST DOCTORS!” (mega run on sentence, I know, but isn’t this how all mom brains think?!). pregnancy doctor obgyn new jersey giving birth motherhood new mom trust neglect caffeine and fist bumps blog baby
Now, we’re going to fast forward a few months because the “in between” months really don’t make for such a great story. “I peed every 5 minutes and had a heck of a time falling asleep.” See? Snore central right there. pregnancy doctor obgyn new jersey giving birth motherhood new mom trust neglect caffeine and fist bumps blog baby
So, the 9 months went by pretty quickly and Little Dude was in no rush to arrive. My sister in law took me on bumpy car rides, I ate super spicy buffalo chicken dip, I tried red raspberry leaf tea. What finally did it? Helping to organize about 1,000 pounds of produce (I ran a produce co-op from home and would organize about that much produce each week for local families to pick up). My friend captured this moment of me, hugely pregnant, sitting in her garage in the dead of winter, organizing produce the night before he was born.
I’ll never forget the moment I told my friend “either my water broke or I just pee’d myself.” We both laughed and figured it was as good a time as any to head home and get ready for Little Dude’s arrival. I called The Mister, drove myself the few blocks home and got myself ready to head to the hospital. As I had requested on the phone, The Mister brought home Boston Market to eat because I knew that, once I was in the hospital, they wouldn’t let me eat a darn thing. Chicken, creamed spinach, mashed potatoes, and cornbread never tasted so good! baby
After I finished my “last supper” (Fun Fact: I love when people call dinner “supper” – it reminds me of my grandparents and that makes me happy), we grabbed the bags, buckled Big Dude into his car seat and headed over to my brother’s house to drop him off for a little “vacation.” Then, we drove over to the hospital. When I arrived, I remember that I was able to walk myself into the Emergency Room. The desk clerk didn’t even realize I was the patient because I really wasn’t in any visible pain. pregnancy doctor obgyn new jersey giving birth motherhood new mom trust neglect caffeine and fist bumps blog
I got checked in and went into something of a waiting room “room” because they needed to confirm that I was, indeed, in labor. When the water started rushing out of my body like Niagara Falls (no offense to Niagara Falls), they decided I really did know what was going on with my body, admitted me, and rolled me into labor and delivery. Things progressed pretty quickly from there and, within a few hours, it was time to push. pregnancy doctor obgyn new jersey giving birth motherhood new mom trust neglect caffeine and fist bumps blog
Up until that point, no doctor from the OBGYN had arrived yet. Honestly, I was thrilled because I didn’t want any possibility of having Dr. T deliver my baby. A doctor from the hospital was helping out when, lo and behold, THAT DOCTOR, Dr. T, walked into the room and groaned audibly. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I looked at the nurse next to me and said something about how I didn’t want that doctor and she said something like “oh, I’d be more than happy to let Dr. T deliver my baby! I trust Dr. T and he/she is one of the best!”
If I hadn’t been numbed from the neck down (yes, it seemed they were having trouble with the epidural), I would’ve jumped off that table and left. But, you know what? There I was, in an emergency situation, and I just forced myself to suck it up and get the job done. Dr. T took one look “down there” and realized that Little Dude was, in fact, a pretty big dude, and said something like “that’s not happening.” 15 minutes of pushing later and Little Dude made his grand entrance. (Take that, Dr. T) baby pregnancy doctor obgyn new jersey giving birth motherhood new mom trust neglect caffeine and fist bumps blog
He was perfect. All 8 pounds and 7 ounces of him. Even the big head of his that intimidated Dr. T. baby pregnancy doctor obgyn new jersey giving birth motherhood new mom trust neglect caffeine and fist bumps blog
This is the end of part 1 of my story. Part 2 will be published within the next week.
UPDATE: here is part 2