Dear February, I hate you.

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Now,  I really don’t like the word “hate.” There’s just so much negativity in it and I don’t like to spend my time being negative. But, today starts the month of February. Up until 5 years ago, I had absolutely no issue with February. Since 2014, though, I’ve hated February. It’s nothing against the cold or potential for snow. I actually LOVE snow and would rather be cold than hot. You know, because you can always put more clothes on when it’s cold, but, when it’s hot, you can only take so much off. seasonal depression cherry hill obgyn maternal care postpartum

February should be a month of happiness and love. There’s Valentine’s Day and the promise of Spring is right around the corner. My second son was born in February, so we’ll celebrate his birthday in February. I’m a proud Boy Mom and love both my boys to death. I got baptized in February. It should be a happy month, but, I swear, it’s like a switch is flipped between January 31 and February 1 and I go from being generally happy to pretty much down in the dumps. I hate this. This is not how it’s supposed to be. On one hand, I’m glad that I’ve realized this happens to me and I usually have time to prepare myself for it, but that doesn’t make the month of February any easier.

If you’ve been following along with my series That time trusting my OBGYN nearly killed me, you may somewhat understand where I’m coming from. This February marks 5 years since everything happened. It still depresses the heck out of me. If I’m not careful, I could spend good portions of the day replaying everything that happened in my head. I’ll have arguments with myself in my head. I’ll mull through the little details and become more and more angry with the people that were supposed to be my doctors. I’ll be ok, though. I’m not a danger to myself or others, but, those who are close to me will, most likely, notice a difference. Like clockwork, though, the “Elizabeth is a happy person” switch will be flipped again between February 28 and March 1.

When I was sick, 5 years ago, I did have an appointment when I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression and prescribed Zoloft. The funny (?) thing, though, was that at the time I was NOT depressed. Had these “professionals” just taken the time to listen and address my concerns instead of just thinking I could be cured with an antidepressant, I probably wouldn’t have gotten so sick and ended up feeling sad every February. Oh, the irony!

In order to keep February as pleasant a month as possible, I need to come up with a game plan. I need to keep myself busy and keep my mind off of those memories. Last year, we went to Walt Disney World. What a place to “forget about your worries and your strife.” (get it, Disney fans?!) Although the kids got a little antsy sometimes, that trip was pure perfection and exactly what I need to keep my mind in a happy place. This year, we’re not taking a trip to Disney (hopefully next year!), so it’s up to me (us) to keep me preoccupied. I am glad that I have realized this pattern and am able to plan ahead. Every year, it gets a little bit better.

Here’s what I’m looking forward to this February:

  • Little Dude’s birthday and birthday party
  • a visit from my aunts, uncles, and cousins (and a new FURRY little cousin!!!)
  • the anniversary of my baptism
  • my nephew’s christening
  • at least 2 (!!) date nights with The Mister (we seriously average like 1-2 a year)

Those are all confirmed events. I’m hoping for a night out or two with friends, some visits to Sahara Sam’s and Sky Zone with the boys in addition to one or two visits to the movies for AMC’s $5 movies. (PS – I don’t get kickbacks on any of this, just sharing links in case you’re interested, too). Hopefully, The Mister and I can catch up on some shows at night, too.

I’ll be continuing Keto and have recently joined a gym, so, it’s my hope that a clean body will equal a clean mind. So far, so good. If anything, losing 40 pounds (so far) on Keto has helped with my self-esteem and has made clothes shopping way easier. I’ve gone to the gym a few times this year and I feel like I’m starting to get into a rhythm, so that’s a positive thing! I’m also going to do my best to put makeup on and do something with my hair other than a messy bun. As vain as it sounds; when I look better, I feel better.

Here’s what could be difficult this February:

  • Little Dude’s birthday
  • being my own boss and working from home
    • Typically I love working for myself, but that also means that structure and progress depends on me. If I’m not feeling well and not keeping myself occupied, I’ll get off track and not make much progress on the blog. I am determined to avoid this issue, though.
  • seeing those “Which OBGYN do you recommend” posts in all the Facebook community groups. It literally makes me sick to see people recommend the group of doctors that neglected my symptoms and needs.

I’m hoping that, by focusing on the positives instead of the negatives, this February won’t be as depressing as the ones that have already passed. I’ll have to limit my time in those Facebook community groups (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing) and keep myself and my business organized in that I am busy and making progress because progress and organization makes me one happy lady!

How you can help:

  • share my posts and comment on them
    • It totally makes me happy when I know that my blogging is making a positive impact on your life!
  • specifically share my “That time…” blog posts with your friends
    • doing so helps to bring awareness to the cause. We have some of the worst maternal and postpartum care in the United States and that is absolutely unacceptable
  • if you know me in real life, check in on me/send me funny memes or words of encouragement
    • Like I said before, I will be just fine and am not a danger to myself or anyone else, but can always use some cheering up this month

I just had to get that all off my shoulders. I’m willing to bet that this February will be the best one yet and feel better already after writing this blog post. I swear, we’ll be focusing on happy posts for the rest of the month!

If you have friends or family that may be having a tough time this winter, please check in on them. Invite them out for coffee or schedule a playdate. If they’re anything like me, a little socializing may be just the thing to brighten their day.

Want to read my “That time…” series? Here are links for all of the posts so far:

That time trusting my OBGYN nearly killed me, part 1
That time trusting my OBGYN nearly killed me, part 2
That time trusting my OBGYN nearly killed me, part 3
That time trusting my OBGYN nearly killed me, part 4
That time trusting my OBGYN nearly killed me, part 5

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2 Responses

  1. Elesa says:

    Do you find that the self-awareness is helping? Sometimes I will be feeling down for no reason and eventually something reminds me that there just might be a reason buried a few years back. It’s not very conscious for me, though. I have not read your series on what happened yet.

    • Elizabeth Dukart says:

      It’s DEFINITELY helping! Knowing that the sadness will be coming, I have the chance to prepare myself for it. It’s taken a few years for this, though, so the process is always evolving.

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